Tattoo tomorrow. hogod. so nervous. i know it's going to be painful, but i don't exactly know to what degree of pain i should expect....so that should be interesting when the needle first touches my skin. i'm really really hoping it turns out into this mixed up idea that i want. i'm horrible with getting things out of my head and stuff.

Been super discouraged/upset/sad about my appearance lately. Dyed my hair like...3 weeks ago? maybe it's even been a month...didn't do anything differently, and it kiiillled parts of my bangs, for some reason. i'm talking dry, and tiny white parts. Fried. So i've been trimming away pieces, and last night i had to cut off more....leaving me with still kind of a side-swept bang, but where it starts, they're pretty much baby bangs. i can't even sweep that part of my bang to the side. so i feel even more like a dog (unattractive, whatever).

Haven't really jogged in a bit. Losing the motivation. need to get back into a routine.

Been eating less, however.

Proactiv is a fucking joke. Doesn't help dick. DICK. don't ever waste your money on it.

Moving August 1st, officially. Very nervous. Kind of sad. I have a feeling i'm going to feel very inadequate going into my program, because i have very limited/little experience. I hope that doesn't crush me. I need to work on growing thicker skin. I'm such a baby.

I should be happy about some things, but at the moment, i'm just letting all of the negativity take over. fuck.

for instance, cried yesterday because i feel like a troll.

been pretty pathetic lately. won't go into more details.

I wish i was strong enough to be like "fuck this, ignore the bullshit, just be happy"...but i caaan't exactly seem to do it. motherfuck.

And ranting about this isn't exactly making me any happier. If anything, it's making me more grumpy realizing it all, and i feel like a douche complaining. boo.

anyway, iiiii'm gonnna go ahead and put this post to an end before i make myself seem even more pitiful. It'll pass, i just hope sooner than later.

LAYTUH.